The new manager sits across from you in the first one-on-one, asking good questions and taking notes. You want to feel optimistic. Instead, you’re wondering if they actually understand what your team does, whether they’ll back you up when things get tough, or if they’re just here to implement some corporate initiative that nobody asked for. The worst part? You won’t know the answers to these questions for months.

If this describes your situation in mid-2022, you’re not alone. The past two years of hiring chaos and turnover mean many IT professionals are now reporting to someone they didn’t choose, whose track record they don’t know, and whose management style they’re still trying to decode. This isn’t necessarily about working for a bad boss; it’s about the more common and more complex reality of working under someone whose judgment and priorities you simply haven’t figured out yet.

The relationship between a worker and their manager shapes everything else at work: your opportunities, your stress level, your ability to grow, and sometimes whether you stay or leave. When that relationship starts on uncertain ground, you need a deliberate strategy. Not to manipulate or control your manager, but to build enough trust and understanding to work effectively while protecting your own interests.

Start With Curiosity, Not Judgment

Your new manager’s first few months reveal more about what they don’t know than what they do. They might not understand the existing workflows, the relationships you’ve built with other departments, the technical debt they inherited, or the silent agreements that actually keep the lights on. Rather than jump to “this manager is incompetent,” approach those early conversations as information gathering.

Ask about their background: where they came from, what worked in their previous role, what they’re trying to learn about your team and the business. Listen for what they care about, what makes them anxious, and what success looks like in their mind. These conversations serve two purposes. First, you actually learn who this person is and what drives their decisions. Second, people who feel heard are more likely to listen in return. You’re building a foundation where both of you understand each other’s perspective, even if you don’t always agree.

Pay attention to how they respond when they don’t know something. Do they pretend to know? Do they ask for your input? Do they make decisions too quickly, or do they over-analyze simple problems? These patterns matter much more than any single decision they make in the first month.

Document Everything, Quietly

The phrase “managing up” can sound manipulative, but protection is not manipulation. When you don’t yet trust your manager’s judgment or stability, documentation becomes your safety net.

Keep clear records of your work, decisions, and the reasoning behind them. Save emails that confirm decisions or assignments. If your manager asks you to do something that conflicts with earlier direction or company policy, send a follow-up email: “Per our conversation today, I’m moving forward with X approach rather than Y approach. Let me know if you’d like me to adjust.” This creates a paper trail without accusation.

If you’re concerned about your manager’s competence in a particular area, document the impact. Don’t send it to them with a critical tone; instead, keep records for yourself and your team. If your manager makes a technical decision that causes problems, you’ll have the data to show what happened and why. If they ask why a project failed, you’re not relying on memory or interpretation.

This isn’t paranoid or political. It’s professional. You’re protecting both yourself and your manager by ensuring there’s clarity about what happened and why. Should things go south, you have evidence. Should things go well, you have a record of your contribution.

Build Skip-Level Relationships Carefully

Not all managers appreciate when their reports build relationships with their bosses, but it’s an essential strategy when you don’t fully trust the person directly above you. A skip-level relationship gives you a reality check, context for decisions, and a potential ally if your manager’s judgment really does become a problem.

The key is doing this without undermining your manager. If your manager’s boss invites you to a meeting or coffee, accept. If you see an opportunity to present work at a higher level, take it. But don’t go around your manager complaining or asking for reassurance about their decisions. Stick to sharing information about your work, asking for feedback, and building a genuine relationship.

A solid relationship with your manager’s boss also means you’re less vulnerable if your manager suddenly quits, gets fired, or is revealed to be less competent than you thought. You already have standing with the next level up.

Give Feedback Upward Without Sabotaging Yourself

At some point, you might need to tell your manager that something isn’t working. Maybe their communication style creates chaos, or they’re making technical decisions without consulting the team, or they’re pushing a return-to-office mandate that the team genuinely needs flexibility to manage. How you deliver this feedback makes the difference between being seen as a trusted advisor and being seen as a problem.

Frame it as “help me understand your thinking” rather than “you’re wrong.” Ask questions: “I noticed we shifted direction on the database migration. What changed that?” or “I want to make sure I understand the logic behind the office mandate; what problem are we solving?” Some managers will genuinely explain their reasoning, and you might find it more sound than you thought. Others will get defensive, and you’ll learn that this isn’t someone who takes input well.

Peer your feedback with business impact. Don’t say “I hate the new process.” Say “The new change request process is adding 30 percent to our deployment time, and I want to help us find a way that protects what you’re trying to accomplish without the slowdown.” Connect the feedback to their actual objectives, not your preferences.

If your manager responds well to feedback, they might become trustworthy faster than you expected. If they don’t, you’ve learned something important about how to interact with them going forward.

Know When It’s Time to Leave

Not every manager-worker mismatch can be solved, and sometimes the best path forward is negotiating an internal move rather than trying to fix something that isn’t fixable. Some managers are truly incompetent, dishonest, or actively harmful. Some have values that conflict too deeply with yours. Some are so caught in middle management stress (caught between return-to-office pushes, cost-cutting mandates, and team preferences) that they can’t function as an effective leader.

If you’ve documented problems, built relationships with people above and around your manager, given feedback and been ignored, and your work is suffering or your stress is unsustainable, it might be time to look elsewhere. This isn’t failure; it’s self-preservation.

The one signal that usually means it’s time to go is when the relationship itself affects your ability to grow. If your manager blocks your projects, questions your competence unfairly, or prevents you from building visibility in the company, you’re not going to recover trust. If you notice yourself burned out, if the relationship is eroding your confidence, that’s a sign the situation has become untenable. (For more on what that burnout actually looks like and how it develops, see our post on [why your team isn’t lazy, they’re just burned out].)

The Longer Game

Managing up isn’t a short-term tactic; it’s a core career skill. The better you get at understanding different management styles, building trust across uncertainty, and protecting yourself while staying professional, the more resilient your career becomes.

You might also realize that your new manager, given time and support, becomes genuinely trustworthy. That happens too. The deliberate approach of documenting your work, building relationships, asking good questions, and giving thoughtful feedback often creates the very understanding and trust that seemed impossible in week two.

In the meantime, you’re not betting your career on someone you don’t yet know. You’re building a relationship on solid ground, protecting your interests, and staying alert for the moment when you realize either this manager is worth the investment, or you need to find somewhere new to work.

The goal isn’t to manipulate your boss or work around them. It’s to build a functional working relationship from a position of knowledge and safety, and to stay in control of your own career path regardless of who sits in that office.

For more on building the kind of internal relationships that can accelerate your growth even without a perfect manager, check out our piece on [career advancement without job-hopping through internal moves].